Top 10 things we've learned so far this year
May 2002

Well kids, we're about 3 weeks into the season, and things are heatin' up quicker than a priest from Boston at a kiddie pool. Ouch. Anyway... what would the beginning of the season be without our first top 10 list? Probably the same. But you're getting one anyway. So shut-up. And read. Now. Goof.

10
98% of us got fatter and slower over the winter. Welcome to your Carlsberg years.
9
The league should have NEVER left North York Centennial Arena. What were those morons thinking?
8
Washing the floor with the squeegee machine is good. Washing it a half hour before game time is bad.
7
Laying 17,000 square feet of Spider Court tile takes 6 guys way f***ing longer than "4 or 5 hours."
6
The HCQ (Hot Chick Quotient) is definitely on the rise this year. It seems the more sweaty and Buttafuoco you guys get, the hotter yer girlfriends become.
5
At least one spineless fleshbag joined the league this year. We know this, 'cuz some f***wad smashed a radio in a dressing room that didn't belong to him, and didn't have the balls to own up to it. Rodent.
4
It's not the floor that's too slippery - it's your Fisher-Price wheels that you haven't changed since around the time Tommy Lee learned to steer a boat with his johnson.
3
The league laptop is about 2 steps above a Commodore 64 - which is perfect for the guys who use it.
2
We don't know what's worse - the challenge and rigour of playing in the Ironman tourney, or the challenge and rigour it takes to read/delete the 14 bajillion e-mails GTI sends you guys trying to hook you into playing in an Ironman tourney. Spamming no-good crotch-monkeys.
1

For the first time ever, ALL 'tenders are wearing blades. We ain't gonna congratulate anyone for this - that'd be like throwing candy to one of you clowns for taking the training wheels off of your mountain bike. All we will say is... "It's about f***ing time, man!"

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