10. Guys playing in other leagues within a 15 mile radius of us. Same money - without sport court, less games, and craptacular (or non-existent) web sites and stats updates. 9. "All wheels are the same - I don't need The Man telling me what wheels to get for Sport Court" (this is usually said roughly 30 seconds before the player lands on his ASS during his first warm up lap). 8. "How do I know when the game is over?" A potential registrant actually asked this - honest. We took him around behind the arena and beat him to death with his own shoes. 7. League veterans who STILL argue the double-minor call on body checking. Wake up, meatheads - it's been that way for about 9 bajillion years... 6. Guys who still think they clear the zone by firing the puck around the boards from the opposite side. Clinical tests have shown that over 98% of the time, the puck loses speed so quickly that even the most inept defenseman still has the ability to pinch, intercept, and dish off to an open man in front. But hey - maybe this time you'll get it through, eh? No harm in trying... 5. Totally smokin' babes coming out to watch a bunch of pimply, sweaty meatheads swap testosterone (when they should be waiting ernestly by their computers for my next update). It's time to ditch Jocko and drop by Splinter's crib, yo - just make sure you bring subs, a six-pack, and a hot friend... 4. Shooting high on a goaltender. Have you guys all forgotten that these dudes are on wheels? Try slidin' a few right on the surface - pure magic... 3. There's no lines, which means no icing or offsides. So why are some of you STILL playing like its ice hockey? SPREAD OUT DUDE!!! 2. Hockey socks and ice hockey pant shorts. Safe? You bet. Lame and stupid looking? Oh yeah. 1. All that friggin' WHINING! Whining about penalties, whining about stats, whining, whining, waanh, wanh, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANHHH! What is it about some guys that their nutsack seems to get sucked back into their body and disappear when they put a pair of blades on? Listen up, chappy - contrary to what you may think, the world ISN'T against you. So dry you're tears, stop yer bitchin', and play some hockey, dammit!!! |