|
Worst
Hair
Award
|
Kevin
the Convenor, Pre-‘fro
|
For
sporting a lid with dimensions that defied ball caps, and had been
known to swallow small children whole.
|
|
Best
Hair
Award
|
Kevin
the Convenor, Post-‘fro
|
For
taking the clippers to that ‘fro, thus transforming himself from
JJ to GQ.
|
|
Hair
-
Lifetime
achievement Award
|
Mike
Catania – The Rollers
|
3
year veteran who went from having hair to his ass to a glistening
cue-ball. What’s next – a perm? How ‘bout a tattoo?
|
|
"Guess
the Secret Code" Award
|
22-way
tie (all teams)
|
For
fine penmanship. In Canada, we usually print in English – except
when filling out game sheets, apparently...
|
|
"Please
Kill Me" Award
|
Mike
Batting, Statistician and Web Guy
|
For
brave attempts to compile Player stats each week, using the aforementioned
game sheets.
|
|
"Jerry
Springer"
Award
|
Anonymous
message board contributors and afficianados
|
Turned
the GTI message board into a text-based war zone, making even Jerry’s
conjoined-trailer-park-inbred-lesbian-prostitutes blush.
|
|
"Dangling
Carrot"
Award
|
City
of Toronto
Ice Court
Backyard
Rinks
GTI
|
For
The Floor fiasco. Specifically, Toronto for the vanishing money,
Ice Court for the deal-gone-south, and Backyard Rinks for driving
it there. Oh – and GTI for believing these yahoos, and getting everyone
excited.
|
|
"Thanks
for Not Comin’ Out"
Award
|
Inline
Industry Sponsors – that didn’t...
|
For
doing what they do best – nothing.
Want
some advice? Its called, "The Idiot’s Guide to Targeted Marketing."
Read
it.
|
|
"Worst
All-Star Game"
Award
|
James
Dinneen
|
For
planning the event. Outdoors, no dressing rooms, pavement, and a
30 square foot playing surface. What were you thinkin’, man?!
|
|
"Best
All-Star Game"
Award
|
James
Dinneen
|
For
the festivities afterwards. If you didn’t stick around when he pulled
out the plastic and da’ beers were flowin’ – then you left too early,
friend!
|
|
"Silent
but Deadly"
Award
|
Eric
the Convenor
|
For
managing to go an entire season without saying more than 30 words.
|
|
"The
Crying Game"
Award
|
Convenors
and Referees
|
For
the guys who were never happy, no matter what. "Hey – Sparky
– would you like some cheese with that whine?"
|
|
"Skates,
Shmates"
Lifetime
Achievement Award
|
Vernon
McConnell
–
Team Canada
|
A
3rd year veteran, who manages to remain one of the best
2-way players in B division, despite wearing a pair of $50 8-year-old
Rollerblades with original wheels and bearings.
|
|
"Ironmen
between the Iron"
Award
|
Alex
Elzbet – The Smoke
Mike
Crossland – The Jabronies
Dale
Wong – Celestial Panters
|
For
being the only goalies who never missed a game – virtually unheard
of...
|
|
"Simmer
Down"
Award
|
Unfortunately,
too numerous to mention.
|
For
players averaging 1 or more penalties per game.
Tip
for 2001? Relax...
|
|
"Clutch"
Award
|
Mike
Mullin – Centipedes
|
For
scoring 5 game-winning goals in a 14-game season.
|
|
"Brick
Wall"
Award
|
The
Rockets
The
Celestial Panthers
|
For
leading the lead in least goals against, allowing only 45 and 32
goals against respectively.
|
|
"Machine
Gun"
Award
|
Mission
Impossible
|
For
scoring 115 goals – highest in the league.
|
|
"Nice
Guys"
Award
|
Slingblades
|
For
having the lowest penalties in the league with 17 all year – TOTAL!
Good thing, because they also had the worst penalty killing (53%
- ouch!).
|
|
"Advantage?
What Advantage?!"
Award
|
Planet
Skate
|
For
scoring a league-leading 10 shorthanded goals.
|
|
"Best
Team Name"
Award
|
Armed
and Hammered
|
Trust
us folks – they were.
|
|
"Special
Teams"
Award
|
The
Smoke
|
For
being 33% (#1) on the Power Play, and 92% (#2 for teams with over
40 penalties) on the penalty kill – a deadly combination, and the
best combo in GTI.
|
|
"Fancy
Duds"
Award
|
Celestial
Panthers
The
Predators
Team
Canada
|
For
sporting Qadruple-knit $80 hockey jerseys. Looked good – a little
warm though, eh gentlemen?
|
|
"Yard
Sale"
Award
|
Dawg
Pound
|
For
having the largest collection of players sporting pre-"Original
Six" era equipment.
|